Deliveries and Calumnies (annotated)

Having lived nearly 10 years on the east coast, I spent a lot of time defending the reputation of
the Twin Cities.
-"No, it's not really a backwater." (1)
-"They have skyscrapers and public (uhhm, cough) transportation and everything!"(2)
-"The Cities are teaming with theaters, museums, nightlife, and fine dining establishments."
-"Huge diverse neighborhoods spiral in every direction due to the great immigrant groups settling there."
-"Yes, Minnesota elected a former pro wrestler to the Govenor's seat, but the people are generally sophisticated." (3)
But now I have moved back to Minneapolis and I've begun to worry. Maybe I need to send postcard apologies to
all those I deceived about the "metropolitan" nature of MSP.
A first concern: where's all the restaurant delivery?
In Philly, New York, and Balitmore any self-respecting city dweller holds 15 - 20 take-out menus from neighborhood joints who'll dispatch a carrier by bike or car. Here, other than pizza and liquor store deliveries, I'd be hard pressed to think of any place whose people will show up at my door with a dinner order. Pizza and beer is only part of the food ziggurat (4) for me.
Is it the nature of the purveyors or have they already discovered that people here hold their pocketbooks too tightly, ergo no tips? Is it some nobly persistent Scando-germanic notion of stoicism that we scions of vikings must abide hunting and gathering, even if delivery is available? Or is it a fear that whatever might arrive at the door will resemble (in appearance and taste) some kind of glorified dog food reposited in Styrofoam?
Look, my old neighborhood allowed me opportunity to ring up for (in addition to bi bim bop, strombolis, hoagies, and a vindaloo) sandwiches from the Korean Kosher Deli.(5) Kimchi sides with pastrami on rye might not catch on in Minneapolis, but I bet they would if you could have someone bring it to your house.
Okay, this is not so much 'sqwout' as it is 'snaqwout,' but what exactly is "up" with delivery in Minneapolis/St. Paul?

Notes:1) "At least we're not a 'Backwater' like Minneapolis" was part of the obloquy in a CityPaper article attempting to
describe the music scene here!
2) The last few years I proudly suggested, "Yeah, they got trains and everything." Until,
I saw the "light-rail."
3) After Ventura was elected, most people stopped asking about milking cows and chewing on
hayseed. He gave MN a little notariety, though when speaking,
his accent did make us seem exotic, and not in a good way.
4) A terraced pyramid
5) The Kosher Deli sold to a Korean Family who augmented but didn't change the staples on the
menu.